October 12, 2012

For the Birds

There is a major bird problem near my office. My office is located near a major highway, and there are lots of electrical wires close by, which are apparently perfect bird perches. These birds sit on the electrical wires all day long, which are precariously aligned over the staff vehicles. The fact that birds love to hang out above our cars has been a very big source of frustration, as we require frequent car washes to clean up after the messes that the birds drop on our cars all day. Though frustrating (and expensive), this was never really a major problem for me; it was more just something annoying to put up with until winter arrives and the birds fly south.

Until today, when a bird pooped on me.

I didn't see it coming, and I didn't even realize when it happened. I assumed that the excrement landed on me when I was leaving work and crossing the parking lot to get to my car, but as sad as it is to say, I don't really know. I didn't realize that anything had happened until I was driving home, and I turned my head to check my mirrors. I unknowingly almost rubbed my chin in it, because it had landed on my collar.

You have to understand, when this unfortunate thing happened to me, I was wearing my beautiful leather jacket. I love this jacket more than any other article of my clothing, and as I have previously discussed, as I take care of it like it's my child. So when I looked over my shoulder and saw a big black splash of something crusty on the collar of my jacket, my immediate reaction was to reach up and brush it off. It wasn't until the dried poop was in my hand that I realized exactly what it was.

I was thoroughly horrified and may have emitted a little shriek when I realized what I was holding in my naked, unprotected hand. Despite the fact that getting pooped on by a bird is reportedly not so bad, and it is even sometimes considered to be good luck or like winning the lottery, I was thoroughly disgusted. Regardless of what others say, I don't find it to be lucky or good. It's messy and often embarrassing. As I write this and I discuss the fact that the excrement was hardened on my jacket, I wonder if it actually happened while I was leaving work, or if it happened while I was walking into work early this morning, or perhaps even when I was crossing the parking lot to meet with a client. But none of that even matters, because being pooped on today resulted in my having poop on my hands. And poop on one's hands is never a good thing.

Photo Credit: Destination Knowlton

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